


I (metaphorically) can't live without you

by Miraculous_Birds



Category: Miraculous Ladybug, the tales of ladybug
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Age Changes, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, No Smut, Romance, Slow Burn, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2019-08-28 23:44:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16732917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miraculous_Birds/pseuds/Miraculous_Birds
Summary: A series of heartbreaks, touches, and unforgettable feelings led Marinette up to this exact moment in which she could not pretend anymore.A series of text messages, moments, and flashbacks led Adrien up to this exact moment in which nothing could ever be the same.Introducing and Alternate Universe of childhood friends facing the difficulties of long distance and love.





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> “I should've stayed at home
> 
> 'Cause right now I see all these people that love me
> 
> But I still feel alone
> 
> Can't help but check my phone
> 
> I could've made you mine
> 
> But no, it wasn't meant to be and see, I wasn't made for you
> 
> And you weren't made for me
> 
> Though it seemed so easy” - Best Friend, Rex Orange County

 

 **Adrien:** Weird question?

 **Marinette:** Shoot

 **Adrien:** What did you used to think about me?

 **Adrien:** you know, when we were younger?

Marinette thinks back, rewinding through her memories like film.

 **Marinette:** Hmmm

 **Marinette:** even though we’ve always been friends, I thought you were kind of intimidating

 **Marinette:** you know, cause you were so smart and quiet

Adrien laughed.

 **Adrien:** So you get intimidated by shy nerds?

 **Adrien:** I’ll keep that in mind

Scoffing, she takes a sip of her latte. This cafe is so Adrien. The brown leather seats and the swirling dark wooden tables (she’ll have to bring him here next time).

“You know Marinette, it’s starting to feel like I’m the third wheel in this relationship” the redhead sighs, “and there’s only two of us”

Marinette glance up from her phone, suddenly being brought back to reality. “Sorry” she chuckled, “what?”

Nathaniel looks away, Marinette can’t tell what he’s thinking but, she can never tell anyways, “At first I thought it was nothing and I was just lucky to be with you”

Her phones buzzes.

“Don't answer that”

She look at Nathaniel and then back at her phone. Marinette almost turns it off but, that idea shuts down when she sees his icon pop up.

The chair shrieks when Nathaniel stands up.

Walking away, he looks back once more.

For some reason, Marinette waves.

Supposedly, this is her first heartbreak.

\---

 **Adrien:** He broke up with you?

 **Marinette:** Yeah

 **Marinette:** idk i just really though it’d work out, you know?

Adrien can imagine her shrugging dramatically from miles away. He doesn’t know if she’s keeping her cool or if...maybe she didn’t care. No no no. That’s just his imagination.

 **Marinette:** He’s such an interesting person with an abstract thought process, I assumed that as long as I never understood him, he would always keep me interested. I guess maybe he didn’t want that.

 **Adrien:** Some people just want to be understood

She hesitates before sending. Is this too much?

 **Marinette:** maybe that’s why I’m so attached to you

His heart stops.

\---

“Girl, I can’t believe he broke up with you!” Alya whispered to her during physics class, “Nate’s head over heels for you!”

Sighing, she knows she didn’t even try to win him back. Marinette has to admit: After spending so much time with Adrien and watching his movies, she’s a huge romantic. If this were a movie, she’d have run after him and apologize but, Marinette did not have that automatic realization.

She waved.

She had said goodbye.

Marinette gives Alya a half-hearted smile, “I must’ve messed up bad enough for him to realize that…” fiddling with her lucky charm, “I’m just plain, old Marinette”

“Wait no, sweetie that’s not what I meant-”

They hear a cough from the front of the room.

“Ms.Cesaire is there something you’d like to share with the class?”

Alya scoffs, “yeah”

The correct terminology for what she does next is “flips the bird”

“PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE MS.CESAIRE!”

\---

 **Marinette:** do you believe in fate?

Adrien smiles. This is his favorite type of conversation with her.

 **Adrien:** To a certain extent of course

 **Adrien:** I believe that fate does not control your life and that you have to willingly follow the path that is set up for you

 **Adrien:** wbu?

She turns the beads on her charm.

 **Marinette:** If you think about it, fate brought me to you.

 **Marinette:** or a series of consequences

 **Adrien:** If our mothers had never met, I wonder what my life would be like

 **Marinette:** yeah, how else could we have met…

 **Adrien:** we’d be strangers

This is something Adrien thinks about a lot. If he had stayed in Paris and if he had got to experience high school with an ally like her... But still! Just living in the same world as her...

 **Adrien:** I’m so lucky

\---

**FOURTEEN YEARS AGO...**

“Gabriel remember to visit”

“Of course”

The two adults stand between the doorframe. It’s not the same.

“Gabriel you don’t need to leave, this is your home”

“No it’s not”

“She was my home”

It’s not the same without her. They both know it.

“Gabriel...remember to bring Adrien”

“Sabine please don’t cry-”

“Don’t!” she grabs his shoulder, “Don’t break my daughter’s heart Agreste!”

“...”

“Please…” Sabine _begs_ , “don’t separate these two!”

\---

Of course is what he promises.

And he does.

Gabriel visits Paris ever so often.

Though, it will never be enough for Adrien.

\---

Noticing the gentle pressure on his shoulder from Marinette’s head, he tenses up and then relaxes again. Her balcony is his favorite place. Surrounded by the lovely scent of flowers and busy streets.

It took about half the movie for them to end up like this. Hesitantly moving closer and closer to each other on the bed. As people that consider themselves best friends, it’s surprising that touching is always awkward.

“Marinette?”

“Yes?”

Adrien takes a breath, “don’t you think you’re taking this break up a little too well?” He knows it’s a rude and an invasive question but it comes out of his mouth anyways. To his disappointment, Marinette gets off of him and sits up, “It’s different… the relationship between us and the relationship I had with him”

Oh boy he knew!

“When Nathaniel broke up with me, I felt guilty”

_Oh..._

“But if I lost you…” Marinette pats him on the head, “ I’d frickin jump off the Seine”

He chokes.

“I wouldn’t die though, the Seine isn’t very high and I’d consider myself to be an agile swimmer”

Adrien grins,“It’s the though that counts”

\---

Only Marinette could say that she’s familiar with the sight of the famous designer, Gabriel Agreste, eating toast in his pajamas. Well, besides his son.

“Good Morning Mr.Agreste”

He smiles at her, “Good morning Marinette”

Gabriel then looks at his son who walked in beside her, “We leave in thirty”

\---

Marinette can’t stop thinking about the conversation they had last night.

She knows she’s always had strong feelings for Adrien but, that’s because they were best friends. It was a special relationship that Marinette personally thinks is irreplaceable.

Did having this relationship with Adrien ruin all chances of her getting a boyfriend? After all, no relationship could get better that this.

So why does she feel so bothered by her answer?

Marinette isn’t in love with Adrien, no matter how many BuzzFeed articles and quizzes say otherwise. He doesn’t even fit the standard of what she wants. There’s a huge pros and cons list that sits in the back of her mind. She doesn’t know how it got there. Yet, this list always helps her clear her mind.

**Pros:**

He makes her feel like everything she says is important

**Cons:**

He’s a picky eater

He doesn’t like the beach (what about the long walks on the beach cliche she’s always wanted?)

He’s awkward

He lives far away

He’s not interested in the arts at all

Their parents will make fun of them

He’s too smart for her

He’s too pretty for her

He’s too good for her

 

And so much more.

Marinette has never thought of his that way anyways!

They’re like platonic soulmates.

\---

 **Marinette:** Adrieeeeeeeeeeeeen

 **Adrien:** Marrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrri

 **Marinette:** hi

 **Adrien:** Good evening!

 **Adrien:** I miss you already T_T

A tingling sensation goes through her bloodstream. She can feel it from her heart to the tips of her fingers. It hurts a little.

 **Marinette:** I miss you too


	2. chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Do you got plans tonight?  
> I'm a couple hundred miles from Japan, and I  
> I was thinking I could fly to your hotel tonight  
> 'Cause I-I-I can't get you off my mind” - Lost in Japan, Shawn Mendes

For a high ceiling room, it felt suffocating. What’s the point of such a large room if it’s empty? Well, there is a skate ramp...and maybe a few racks of DVDs. None of that’s important though. It’s just another distraction. Also, he’s not allowed to bring friends over so,

Who the hell is Adrien suppose to play Foosball with?

Not that he isn't grateful but

(he wasn’t happy)

Trying to find a college was...rough.

Adrien’s afraid of leaving everything he knows but, the plan has been to move to the US ever since he lost his mother.

There’s a huge pros and cons list that sits in the back of his mind. It doesn’t help. It makes things a lot worst.

 

**Pros:**

Adrien can finally live independently without his father “guidance”

He can fufill his mother dreams??? (she always did have a fascination for America)

 

**Cons:**

Marinette

He can barely live with being a few hours away

Adrien once went on a trip to australia and knowing that they weren’t awake at the same time destroyed him

As childish as it sounds

He wouldn't survive without her

 

Adrien lies on his bed and stares at the same white ceiling he always stares at when he can’t move. How can he possibly find somewhere he belongs when he doesn't even have time to do so? 

It's overwhelming.

His breathing turns into hyperventilating and his headache turns into a pounding sensation. Suddenly he’s sobbing but nothing is coming out.

He’s just silently screaming for help.

Then he sees her. She’s smiling and her hand is going for a fist bump. Marinette opens her mouth but, no sound comes out. That’s because he already knows what she’s going to say:

_“It’s you and I against the world!”_

And before Adrien knows it, he’s running for the door. For someone who’s trying to sneak out, he was not being very careful. In fact, he was stumbling uncontrollably like a madman.

\---

 **Marinette** : The little cracks in my nail polish makes me feel sad : (

 

 **Marinette** : Adrieeeeeeeeeeen

 

 **Marinette** : sorry are you busy?

 

 **Marinette** : if you’re free later possibly could you text me back?

 

 **Marinette** : nvm you don’t have too

 

 **Marinette** : Sorry

 

\---

It's one o’clock in the morning by the time he gets to her house. Yes, Adrien did just drive to her house but, in his defense...nah he’s got nothing.

Adrien contemplates on driving back home, but even he knows that if he went home… He’d immediately want to come back.

Adrien rings the doorbell because he’s not gonna Troy Bolton this.

Immediately, it swings open. It’s Marinette.

And she looks _terrified_.

\---

 

 **Marinette** : Where are you?

 

 **Marinette** : Answer your phone

 

 **Marinette** : this is so childish

 

\---

 

 **Marinette** : Adrien

 

 **Marinette** : I’m so scared

 

 **Marinette** : Are you okay?

 

\---

Before Adrien can ask what happened she runs into his arms. Her small hands are gripping at his shoulder and it feels so right. He wraps his arms around her waist, tighter and tighter. The smell of the bakery makes it ten times better.

Maybe if he keeps holding her, nothing would ever change.

Adrien can’t help it. He starts crying and laughing. Sinking deeper and deeper into the crook of her neck.

Marinette says, “I’m here Adrien”

“Yes” he sniffles, “You’re here”

Marinette doesn’t cry but, she joins in with the laughs, “how about we go stargazing”

She really appreciates how tall he is when they embrace, “Just like old times?”

He nods his head.

“...”

“Adrien, you’ve gotta get off of me”

\---

The two friends lie on the cold floor of the balcony. It’s very uncomfortable but, Marinette wants to stay like this.

They don’t talk about college or any other senior year related problems They most definitely don’t talk about what led Adrien to drive all the way here.

“Marinette do you know what’s crazy?” He ask.

“You”

Adrien laughs and spreads out his body like a starfish on top of her. As Marinette struggles to move his hand off, Adrien says “In the morning, from view of your balcony, everything seems so small and crowded but, now that it's night”

Marinette leans closer to him.

“Everything looks ginormous!”

Adrien leans closer to her.

Noses touching, hearts lurching for each other.

It’s perfect.

Besides the fact that nothing happens.

They quickly go back to facing the open sky and pretend.

Marinette pretends she wasn’t about to kiss him.

Adrien pretends he wasn’t waiting for a kiss.

It’s been like this for years. The constant push and pull of the waves sync with the demands of the heart to the denial of everything they’ve been through.

Because she can’t lose him.

And he won’t survive.

But, that’s okay. Because Marinette knows that staying like this is their best chance. Because Adrien believes in fate, so what’s the rush if they’re truly meant to be?

They both have an excuse.

“Who was your first crush?” Marinette asks.

They’re both stare blankly into the sky. At this point it’s not stargazing, it's more like a “ _who can resist the urge to make eye contact for the longest_ ” game.

Adrien starts to describe her, the daughter of his dad's coworker who'd go to the company parties. Apparently she was pretty and a girl scout.  Marinette can't help but feel a little jealous (only a little). She wonders if they still know each other, if he still thinks she pretty, and maybe about what type of girl would be good enough for him. What type of girl Adrien would fall for...hmm?

“What made you not like her anymore?”

“She...punched me when I asked her out”

Marinette snorts before realizing that it’s not really funny (it’s kind of funny), “now _that’s_ rude”

“Yeah”, Adrien can’t help it he’s smiling so wide right now, “I stopped buying her cookies”

“Good job”

\---

 

 **Marinette** : Text me when you get home

 

\---

 

 **Adrien** : I’m home

 

 **Marinette** : do you wanna talk about why you ran away?

 

 **Marinette** : I know texting is easier for you

 

 **Adrien** : who was your first crush?

 

He’s avoiding the topic and she’s not surprised. No matter how much of her thoughts she pours out on him, he’ll never do the same. He’s too nice to put that burden on her. But to Marinette? It just feels like Adrien doesn’t trust her.

Mari’s always believe that this was one sided. He was the one that took care of her, and Marinette was the one who tried so hard to do that same.

 

 **Marinette** : I’ve never had one

 

Adrien doesn’t believe it. They’re eighteen now.

 

 **Adrien** : Not even Nathaniel?

 

 **Marinette** : Sometimes I think I hurt him for no reason.

 

 **Marinette** : I didn’t even like him

 

 _“Marinette the Heartbreaker”_ is what people joked about, months after they split. She didn’t think it was that funny and neither did Nathaniel.

 

 **Adrien** : No shut up

 

 **Adrien** : don’t ever think you’re bad cause you are wonderful

 

Marinette can’t help but smile and squeeze her eyes shut. The painful tingling begins and she can finally cry.

 

\---

Marinette doesn’t mind the sight of happy people. She’s not a monster. Yet, after seeing about three prom-posals in a week, it’s starting to get annoying. Especially, when there’s no one she could even think about asking.

Well...of course there’s one person she’d like to ask.

 

**Pros:**

None

 

**Cons:**

He lives too far away

He doesn’t like parties

He doesn’t like dancing

He doesn’t like socialization

He’ll reject her

 

It’s simple as that.

 

\---

“MARINETTE!” shouted her brunette friend that was running at an alarming speed towards her direction. The hallway was pretty packed so this is already a hazard.

“Alya you’re scaring me”, Marinette said because that’s what a sane person would say when someone is shouting and running at you.

Alya’s running turns into a light jog as she gets closer to her friend, “I heard Nino’s asking me out to prom in seventh period and you’ve gotta be there!”

Mari fakes a smile. That’s really all she can do for now. There will be another time for her to cheer with her friend.

“I’m so happy for you!”

\---

 

 **Adrien** : Who are you asking out to prom?

 

 **Marinette:** ha

 

 **Marinette** : ha

 

 **Marinette** : haaaa T_T

 

 **Marinette** : No one

 

Adrien’s relieved but, also guilty for feeling relieved.

 

 **Marinette** : I might as well not go if I don’t want to be a third wheel

 

 **Adrien** : you sure? this is the only time you’ll ever be able to do this

 

she blatantly lies.

 

 **Marinette** : There’s no one I’d want to go with

 

Now Adrien’s not one to take risk. Sometimes for breakfast he’ll choose a bagel instead of toast but, that’s about it. He’s not gonna step out of line even though there is an option for her that he’d very much like to promote.

 

 **Adrien** : you should go

 

Driving to her house...being childish. That’s a mistake he can’t make again.

 

\---

**FOURTEEN YEARS AGO...**

“Marinette, I want you to open my gift first” said Adrien.

A sparkly banner hangs on the wall and their living room is decorated with balloons that say _Happy Birthday!_ It doesn’t match the uncomfortable mood at all.

Marinette grabs the gift from his hands and rips opens the poorly wrapped box. It’s a bracelet with tacky wooden beads, “it’s ugly! I don’t like green!” she laughs while closing the box. Adrien pouts and opens it back.

“This is a lucky charm Marinette” he explains, “So when I’m not here, this will take care of you instead”

She stares at him blankly before taking the bracelet from the box. She looks down at it and in seconds flat she’s crying and screaming, “PLEASE DON’T GO!"

Marinette yanks at his sleeves and yells as Adrien gently takes the charm and ties it around her wrist.

“Don’t worry Mari” he pats her head, “because you’ll always be my favorite person!”

This is when she falls in love with him.

Now all that’s left is for her to realize it.

\---

 

 **Adrien** : so she made you buy a dress?

 

 **Marinette** : Now I love my mom and all but, it doesn’t suit me at all

 

 **Marinette** : If I wanted to go, I would’ve made my own

 

He’s genuinely interested in what type of dress would not suite someone that’d look like a model in a trash bag.

 

 **Adrien** : Is it an Agreste dress?

 

She sighs.

 

 **Marinette** : no

 

 **Adrien** : TRAITORRRRR

 

 **Marinette** :Oh shut up and help me find a date!

 

He almost types it all the way out.

 

 **Marinette** : it would be so much easier if you could come

 

She twirls her charm. Marinette knows she should stop...

 

 **Marinette** : then at least I wouldn’t be alone

 

 **Adrien** : yeah

 

 **Adrien** : It wouldn’t be bad

 

She thinks he’s just trying to be nice.

 

He really wants her to take the hint.

 

 **Marinette** : It would be awkward

 

And just like that, they dance around each other like any other stupid-in-love idiots.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my poor children


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey guys remember when i said i was gonna update every week
> 
> ha ha 
> 
> funny
> 
> well okay here's the next chap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “ I wanna be missed like every night  
> I wanna be kissed like it's the last time  
> Say you can't eat  
> Can't sleep, can't breathe without me  
> I wanna be held, fragile like glass  
> 'Cause I've never felt nothing like that  
> Say you can't walk  
> Can't talk, go on without me” - I wanna be missed, Hayley kiyoko

 

**THE NIGHT OF PROM…**

Marinette gets dressed up in a dress she doesn’t like and heels she can't walk in.

The door of Nino’s car is open, she takes a breath, and goes in.

\---

Marinette sits alone while romantic pop songs blast through the speakers and teenagers dance accordingly. Everything around her goes black and then it's just her, sitting in a dark room...alone. Marinette had fantasized. Dreamed of Adrien coming to prom and saving her but, he isn’t that kind of person. Unbeknownst to her, a tall figure walks in her direction

“Marinette” the person’s voice is hesitant, “can I have this dance?”

Her heart implode.

“Adrien!-”

It’s not him.

“...N-Nathaniel?” her eyebrows furrow.

Of course it's not him.

He’s kneeling in front of her with a corsage and his eyes are pleading, “Will it really not work out?” he ask, “I can try harder and we can have fun!”

And...

She can’t say yes because...the corsage matches this ugly dress. 

Because she’s been sitting alone for so long and he didn’t come up to her till now.

Because she’s been thinking about someone else this whole time.

Gosh, how could she be so stupid!

And with that, Marinette runs out of the room and Nathaniel is left alone and humiliated with a souvenir to prove it.

\---

Adrien hears Marinette’s ringtone while practicing piano across the room and haphazardly runs to his phone. Don't worry, he didn't fall. He just took a break on the floor halfway.

“Marinette!”

“...”

“...Mari? Are you there?”

He hears her muffled sobs. This can’t be good.

“Marinette what’s wrong?”

Adrien has always been patient with her. He gives her time to take a few breaths and compose herself. This is why she loves him. 

She loves him.

...huh

“ I just…” her voice cracks, “I really wish you were here”

And he...

“Yeah…” his knuckles turn pink from how tingly he grips the phone, “me too”

\---

“Girl I can’t believe you ditched me and then left me on read last night!” is the first thing Marinette hears when walking through the door of the locker room.

_ Shit. _

Marinette had used up her battery texting Adrien all night. 

Senior year is coming to an end and Mari knows that once Adrien graduates, he’ll be off in San Francisco or something and she’ll be here. being just a little selfish with his time is okay, isn't it?

If she ruins his sleep schedule too bad. This is Adrien’s punishment for spoiling her.

“Marinette!”

She looks at Alya with her hand on her hips. Nino is beside her but, he looks more concerned than angry.

The brunette’s hand combs through her hair, “if you had a problem you could’ve come to me but, you never do!”

Mari doesn’t say anything. She’s usually good at sticking up to herself but lately, she’s been an emotional mess. 

“Stop looking down at your so very captivating shoes and answer me…”

She doesn’t move so Alya does. She walks away. Just like Nathaniel did when he broke up with her. Just like Adrien did all those years ago when he moved away.

_ Please don’t...leave me. _

A warm hand rest on her shoulder and she immediately relaxes, closing her eyes and leaning her head forward.

Another hand pats her head.

“Marinette?” Nino speaks meticulously, “you don’t need to feel like you owe her anything but, Alya would like it if you relied on her...just a bit”

“Mhm”

“Poor Mari…” he continues, “I saw him walk up to you, I should’ve protected you”

“It’s okay, I can protect myself”

Nino laughs, “have you even told her about Adrien yet?”

She shakes her head.

“All these years and you’ve never told her huh…”

“Well!” Marinette starts,

She doesn’t finish.

Sounds stupid right? Keeping her life with Adrien separate from her life with Alya. Two different best friends from two different worlds. It’s never been a concern of Mari’s to tell her. 

Nino picks up his bag and turns to her, “I knew the feelings that Alya told me you had for Nathaniel was inaccurate”

He’s smart, and she knows it. 

If anyone was to find out first about her feelings for Adrien, it would’ve been Nino. 

In fact, he had probably noticed it way before Marinette had. 

\---

**Adrien:** You know what’s my favorite thing about our conversations?

**Marinette:** lol whut

**Adrien:** when I’m talking to you and we think of all this crazy shit, it just feels so impossibly possible

**Marinette:** we do tend to make a lot of unfinished plans

**Marinette:** but trust me

**Marinette:** we will do all of this someday

 

There is a line that separates dream and reality but, Marinette never fails to blur the line and make everything seem possible to Adrien.

 

**Adrien:** okay

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i remember spending hours on this fic and the fact that i just stopped updating is pretty sad
> 
> it's not like I have't prewritten most of the chapters all ready it's just that i hate editing
> 
> also!
> 
> you best be reading the song quotes i have at the beginning notes of each chapter they are really cute and i love them

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will occur every week.  
> Thank you for reading,  
> Kayla


End file.
